User blog:NezuGachapon/typing it out: the questioning

I will try to type more correct grammar for this to make it easier to understand but without my friend's help this time. It would be weird to ask my friend to help type something about me so personal.

I am trying to figure out terms for myself. I am questioning both attraction and gender and will seperate this out by both to make it easier. If anyone can help me thank you.

Gender
For gender I do not know how someone knows what gender even is or feels like. I am alexithymia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia - I know that means I already have more trouble to figure it out. I know others have figured it out even with it so I am hope I can too. Maybe advice or examples or anyone who can guide me I thank you.

I know only that I am X but beyond I am unsure. I do not know what to look for. To attempt to feel for. I know presentation does not mean gender and pronouns do not either. So I am at a loss.

Attraction
This is most confusing. Same confusing. All confusing!

I have experienced attraction first sight. Though I only know of it happening 2 times. -allo?

I have experienced attraction only after knowing the person liked me first. -recpio

I have also experienced attraction only after getting to know someone and being close. -demi

I do not know the genders of people I have dated until much later in most cases. -omni

I have also had times where, exclusing any current partners, I would not compute or experience any attraction and may experience to the same people I was not attracted to during those times at a later date - ace/allo flux / fluid ? partnersexual ?

My experiences controdict and confuse me heavily. I also am simply using sexual here because alexithymia I cannot tell any types of attraction apart. Simply attraction is there or is not there. Once I know it is there it never leaves for that single person but if it did not form yet it can be hard to create it.

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I would love help micro-label and broad-label all if anyone can.

Thank you.