User blog:HandMeMyShovel/Identity History

Made this before in a post, but it was just gender identity. I'm gonna keep this here to update often. Some of the earlier dates may be innacurate.

TW || M0nths, the word "f3tishization", summer, mentions of crying (do numbers make it hard to read the TWs?)

Sometime around 2018: I watched Katzun's coming out video and they showed the Halsey Hold Me Down drop. I realized I was bisexual.

March 2007 - August 2019: Surely, I'm cis? I like being mistaken for a boy online and having he/him used on me, so I have my pronouns listed as as "any."

Late 2019 - Summer 2020: Questioning because I wanted to be a femboy because of a character. Brushed it off as fetishization and scolded myself. Am I asexual? Nope, after a lot of thought I am definitely far from asexual. I also got into a relationship, but I don't really have feelings for my boyfriend.

Summer 2020 - December 2021: A joke-y convo with a friend lead me to do a lot of questioning of my gender. I would stay up late agonizing over it. Am I bigender? Trans boy? Agender? Despite being bisexual, I really resonated with the lesbian community, so I feared that if I wasn't a girl, I was invading. So I tried to push it down.

January 2021: Tested the waters of gender with the label "Demigirl." Still confused about gender and full-on sobbing about it.

Febuary 2021: Am I genderfluid? Discovered "gender apathetic," which I feel sometimes? But.. something still missing.

March 2021: Oh, it's my gender! I quietly* come out as non-binary to some friends. *Quietly, meaning that I hid it in a discord channel that only a couple friends saw, lol. Bad idea on my part but I was nervous. Everyone knows now, though. I think?

April 2021: Okay, I feel gender a little bit, sometimes. I must be fluid between demigirl, demiboy, and agender? I'll still use the term non-binary for ease. I think I have feelings for my friend, but I'm not sure if it's strong platonic or romantic attraction.

May 2021: Right, so I'm some sort of genderfluid. My dysphoria for certain things definitely fluctuates. I'm gonna ignore telling people though because I'm afraid they'll see me as a faker. Wait, am I also aromantic??

Early June 2021: Yeah, I'm genderfluid but still identify as non-binary. I know and have known for years that I am bisexual. I'm not a very romantic person and, despite fantasizing about romantic relationships, I think I personally prefer platonic relationships. So I may be aromantic? Not entirely sure.