Femme



Femme is a term used in LGBT+ subculture to describe someone, typically a lesbian or otherwise sapphic woman, who has a feminine gender presentation. The term can refer to any femininity, but often refers to overblown and/or outwardly atypical femininity.

Femmes will often dress in feminine clothing, and typically present themselves in a more stereotypically feminine way, such as having long hair and wearing makeup. Femmes are also commonly thought of as having more "feminine" interests. However, femmes often subvert cultural expectations of femininity or show femininity in a uniquely lesbian way, as opposed to cishet women. Some transmasculine femmes may not take certain steps associated with transmasculine transition, such as going on testosterone. Femmes can be cisgender, transgender, or any other gender modality. Femme can also be used by non-binary individuals.

Traditionally, femmes have been expected to be attracted to butches. For some femmes, this attraction to butches represents a strong part of their own identity. However, some femmes are attracted to other femmes. This is sometimes referred to as "fem-for-fem" or "femme-for-femme."

While the femme label is often used by/associated with lesbians, it is also used by other groups in the LGBT+ community. This includes m-spec sapphics and LGBT+ men. Femme men often use the spelling "fem," which is simply the older version of "femme". "Fem" was also used by LGBT+ women before "femme" became common. Femme men are associated with highly exaggerated feminine style and manner, which is often a reclamation of the derogatory association of LGBT men with femininity.

Other Terms
Some other terms that are typically synonymous with femme include "lipstick lesbian" and "designer dyke."

High Femme
Someone who is highly feminine, typically putting in a lot of effort into their appearance. They may also choose to only date butches.

High femme is also sometimes defined as a femme who likes receive sexual contact but doesn't want to reciprocate, the opposite of stone. Sometimes this can carry a negative connotation, but they often form a sexual dynamic with a stone butch. (They may also identify as asexual and/or iamvanosexual.)

Stone Femme
Stone femme may refer to a femme who is stone, meaning they do not like their genitals sexually touched by their partners. (They may also identify as asexual and/or placiosexual.) It may also refer to the femme partner of a stone butch.

Blue Jeans Femme
Someone who is femme but prefers more casual clothes.

Flag and Symbols
The femme flag was designed by Tumblr user noodle on or before Feb 9th, 2018. Purple was chosen based on one of the colors from the orange/pink lesbian flag.

The purple/pink femme lesbian flag was designed by an unknown individual on or before September 30, 2019.

An alternate femme lesbian flag was designed by Reddit user u/ShippyGoodness on August 9, 2020.

Another alternate femme lesbian flag was designed by wiki user Wemrotung on March 28, 2021.

Another femme flag was made by tumblr user disastergay (formerly disasterbisexual) on October 3, 2019.

The inclusive femme flag was designed by Tumblr user nbgender on January 14, 2021. The dark blue stripe represents the variety of femme experience between individuals. the blue stripe represents the connection/community with femmes, femme 4 femme. The small light-blue stripe represents gender nonconformity, and the LGBTQ+ relationship to femininity. The large yellowish-white stripe represents rich history of femme identity & butch/femme culture, and the working class history & solidarity. The small lilac stripe represents sexuality and romance, including stone & high femmes. The purple stripe represents the connection/community with butches, femme 4 butch. The dark purple stripe represents the inclusion and love of femmes of other marginalized identities.

Another all-inclusive "sea femme" lesbian flag was created by tumblr user kenochoric on December 22, 2020. Purple represents LGBTQ+ history. The History of the wider community and their contributions, impact, and legacy. Blue represents femme history and culture, personal history of femmes, along with femme culture. Mint/green represents support for butches, other femmes, and the wider community. Yellow represents inclusivity and tolerance. Being femme is not something you need to prove to others, and is not something you need to reach some milestone to be. Orange-brown/tan represents autonomy and independence. Being femme is not just about being with butches. Being femme is it’s own subculture that can stand on it’s own, and is just as valuable as any other. Brown represents the inclusion of all femmes, including disabled femmes, femmes of color, fat femmes, GNC femmes, and every other femme. The femme community and the wider community is no place for bigotry towards marginalized members. ALL femmes are good femmes.

Twitter user strwbryfemme created another femme lesbian flag on April 2, 2021. The color chosen for the flag was hot pink and the design was made to match the well-known orange butch lesbian flag. @strwbryfemme's flags should be used with caution as fawn has a history of exclusionism against m-spec lesbians.

The femme symbol was designed on October 4, 2014 by a group of non-binary Brazilians. It is based on the female symbol but with longer prongs.