So, this is something that's been kinda bothering me recently and since I have no one to talk to it about I'm going to tell a bunch of people I've never met because that is something I would do.
So, I guess I should start off with a little... backstory? idk. But anyways. Over the summer I got an app and started making friends. I didn't think much of it until I met like... my soulmate or something. We just had the same sense of humour and instantly hit it off. We were like best friends. There were days where we'd talk from like... 9 am to 1 am the next day.
Eventually, as these things do happen, both of us were attracted to eachother because idek brains b weird. We KNEW we both liked eachother but both of us kept denying it until eventually one of my friends was tired of me talking about it all the time and was just like "boys boys. Get together yall are fuckin gay." and so like... yea that happened.
And it was really great. We talked to eachother all the time. For about three days after we got together I was just constantly smiling because I was so happy. We had some friends that we sorta "adopted" and we were their dads. It was fun and we were really close.
But then like... a week after we got together. Idek what happened. He just dissapeared. His account was deleted without warning, He didn't say anything. Just left. And I think it was his parents, because he was openly trans and gay on the app and Im pretty sure his parents wouldnt be okay with that but idrk. I'm 99% sure he wouldn't do that to me because he knows how much I struggle with abandonment. And no matter how much I rationalize it in my head, I can't stop from being really upset about it because I feel like maybe I did something wrong. Or maybe he hurt himself. Its at the point I can't even listen to a lot of songs I used to because I associate them with him and it makes me so upset. Honestly, even seeing tik toks with mlm couples is making me upset now. I can't listen to jack stauber without having a mental breakdown. Anything that remotely reminds me of him makes me want to cry. Chocolate milk for fucks sake. And my system is going wild trying to deal with this stress because it's one of the most intense emotional rollercoasters I've dealt with. I just keep crying and thinking about him. He's coming up in my dreams making me cry when I wake up. I can't deal with this anymore and I'm wondering why it upsets me so much.
I'm just hoping he's going to contact me some way. I feel helpless because he lives in another state and It's not like I can just go there randomly. I just hope he's okay. I just want to be able to do the things we wanted to do together...
Sorry for posting this. No one needs to hear about my problems but I'm really upset right now.