(i feel most types of attraction)
Alterous attraction: hey i want a strong, good relationship with this person as long as it’s MY type of attraction!
Amical attraction: no this person is better as a best friend
Cedural attraction: nah i’m good with this person protecting me
Familial attraction: no this person will have a sibling relationship with you
Mental attraction: other attraction types, what are you thinking? it’s best to have an intellectual bond with this person.
Presential attraction: let me see this person 25/8, not 24/7 but 25/8, and i don’t care what type of attraction this relationship will be
Queerplatonic attraction: i’d like 1000% have a queerplatonic relationship with this person i-
Sensual attraction: so uhh maybe i’d um be your cuddle buddy
Tutelary attraction: alright cedural attraction you will be reversed and i will be the protector here
Romantic attraction: alright i know i’m not supposed to be here but if all you stopped fighting then you can combine into romantic attraction
All the attraction i feel: ok?? *becomes super duper duper overly weak romantic attraction*
Sexual attraction: let’s turn this into a real crush! subtract the asexuality, make the romantic attraction stronger, bring all the attraction together and use our powers to create a half of a second of STRONG sexual attraction!
Me: d-did i feel sexually attracted to this person? i just- i-
The part of me that’s anceanrojump: you WHAT???? you now get a 0.25 second time-out where you decide to hate all attraction ever and that person. i’m bringing the asexual gods with me.
Romantic attraction: well we can feel romantic and tertiary attraction so... let’s bring all the types of attraction together, make some a tiny bit weaker, subtract sexual attraction, add back 1.8915143825% of sexual attraction, make some attraction a tiny bit stronger and use our powers to create 0.75 seconds of STRONG romantic attraction!
Me: is that... r-romantic a-attraction????
The part of me that’s anceanrojump: don’t you DARE. i’m bringing the ansexual and anromantic gods with me to give you another 0.25 second time-out where you EXTREMELY hate all attraction AND your crush.
Sexual attraction: i’ll be calling the gods of sexual attraction and allosexuality so we can make a plan to create very strong sexual attraction
Romantic attraction: good idea i’ll be calling my gods too
Sexual and romantic attraction gods: *gives books of prayers that do a ton of stuff with sexual and romantic attraction*
Tertiary attraction gods: *also come, give out stuff about tertiary attraction*
All the types of attraction: *do the stuff needed to summon attraction and make it super strong*
The attraction: *starts to finish all the stuff* ATTRACTIONONIO!
Me: *feels big stream of very strong attraction for at least 1.691472 seconds* woah... what in the...?
Gods of attraction: AND we gave you new crushes so you can repeat this entire process over and over again
The imaginebisexual and imaginebiromantic part of me: just IMAGINE all the LOVE, DATES, and S*X you can have with this person! they’ll love you, be attracted to you, AND stay with you FOREVER!
Ansexual and anromantic gods: stop, NOW.
The attraction gods: *does all the stuff possible do destroy ansexuality and create long,big,huge rushes of attraction*
Me: WHAT JUST HAPPENDED SKJKGJKSAKS
Attraction gods: and... repeat with all other crushes!