tw: parents, emotional abuse, swearing
Does anyone else have a parent that’s a bad parent but not bad enough to be considered emotionally abusive? And then half of the time you wish that they were worse just so that people would take it seriously and then the other half you hate yourself for wishing you had it worse when you should be grateful that it isn’t.
Half the time my mother is nice and stuff and being around her is okay, and then the other half of the time she makes me feel like shit just for existing and then denies everything she did and makes me seriously question whether I’m just looking for attention and making it up. Because what if I am making it up? What if I just want attention and I’m imagining things that aren’t there? It can’t be all my imagination though... my memory’s is bad but I have a few memories that I remember vividly that definitely don’t seem like something a good parent would do.
And then there was the time when my brother was making me feel so fucking uncomfortable that I told the one adult that I trust, my theatre teacher, and my mother made me into the bad guy? Like she did admit that my brother shouldn’t have done that, but she lectured me multiple times about how I should have come to her and that I’m looking for attention and all of this stuff and now I’m wondering if I made that up too.
And I know I’m making her sound bad, but sometimes she’s so nice and compliments my baking and plays video games with me and it’s okay. It just confuses me so much.
I just kinda needed to vent about it and see if anyone else relates and see if y’all think I’m a bad person because my mother says I am but if I’m right about her being toxic then she’s probably wrong. Just... yeah.