// Misgendering, Cursing, Unhealthy binding, dysphoria, mentions of dead name
Ughh okay so, I'm AFAB and identified as a girl mostly my entire life despite me knowing (when i was smaller) that i wasnt a girl just i didnt know what trans was or if there were any terms to describe who i was and i started exploring last year about gender and sexuality,, when i identified as a girl i was attracted to girls and now that im certain im not a girl my sexuality just did a wild flop,, yeah
I told my mum when i was younger that i wasnt a girl and i dont think she remembers but i do remember telling her... whenever people refer to me as "she" or my dead name i just cringe and start tearing up randomly?? i guess ive always hated being referred to as she and as my dead name my entire life but i havent really noticed how much its affected me till now
A couple weeks ago i tried binding with small Ace bandages and i think i may've damaged something because ever since my ribs have been hurting a lot and i went to the doctors and she just recommended to stretch but i dont know,,, i really shouldve listened to warnings but i just wanted some euphoria for once because WOW is dysphoria is fucking me bad recently
I really want to buy a binder but i dont know how my parents will react and im too terrified to come out to them because our area is mostly trans/homo/lgbtphobic and it may've rubbed off on them idk,,,
What really affects me is how everytime someone refers to me they have to end the statement with "girl" or "honey" and it makes me feel really bad,,, especially my mum she ends all her sentences at me with "girly" or "girl" just wanted to rant thanks anyone for reading,,, ur valid