tw // swears, p*rents, t*xic p*rents, sch**l, feeling like a failure, mental health issues, d*pression, s///ide, f*mily, d*ath
fuck i can't take this. i can't do a whole 'nother year of this. of not doing assignments cuz executive dysfunction and depression and ocd, and my mom making me feel like i'm dying and reminding me i'll never make it on my own. my sister is going away to college next year, it's just going to be me and my parents, so it'll be even worse. i can't keep doing this for another year. i can't. i can't deal with her bullshit and her passive aggressive interrogations and her screaming and her telling me i'm a failure. but it won't even matter when the year is over, because she's not letting me go to a college far away, like i want to, because she says she needs to be able to drive quickly to my school in case i try to kill myself. bitch, the only fucking reason i ever want to kill myself is because of you. shut the fuck up. i'll never be free of her. the only time i'll be free of her is when she's fucking dead, but i'm terrified of her dying. fuck. i can't do this. i can't take 4 years of college knowing i'm still under her leash, going to college where she wants so she can be satisfied. fuck her. i know i can't fucking handle myself. she's my fucking mother ffs, it's not her job to tell me i can't handle myself, it's her job to help me fucking handle myself in the first place but what does she do? she ignores my mental health until it has actual effects on my life and then she uses those effects to remind me how much of a fucking failure i am and how i need to be responsible but that just makes me more depressed because i feel like taking care of myself is impossible, like there's this brick wall between me and self care and crossing it just feels wrong. i literally can't do it. i literally can't make myself do this fucking work if i don't have the motivation or headspace to do it. i fucking can't. i hate her. i can't take a lifetime of this.
i can't and now my dad's making his noises and i can't everyone fucking hates me i hate myself fuck everything, fuck family, fuck life i'm out
if you read this whole thing sorry lmao