Tw//feeling alone, jealousy, feeling left out, general mental illness, swearing
I can't do this anymore. I can't handle one more day of this. My brain is just so utterly fucked up. I'm feeling horrible and worthless and disgusting, People keep venting to me and even though I know it's hurting me to constantly be taking in their negative feelings all the time, I don't actually care. I deserve to feel as bad as I do don't I? because I just hurt everybody and fuck everything up.
I'm being so self destructive because I completely refuse to tell my partners that I'm feeling sort of upset that they talk to each other more than I talk to either of them. And It's my fault because I'm the one who's distant and I'm the one who doesn't talk to them but I keep expecting them to reach out first because of course, I'm toxic as fuck.
All I ever think about is my well being. I leech of others kindness of listening to my vents and then complain that no one hears me. I'm just a worthless, selfish fucking asshole who does nothing but take everything everyone else has and then talk about it like I'm the victim.
I hate everything I've become, I'm no different than I was 2 years ago and I deserve everything everyone has done to me. I fucking deserve it. If I'm this fucked up of a person, I deserve people hurting me, I deserve it when people leave me alone. I deserve to feel like this.
I'm tired of whining, I should just deal with my fucking feelings like a normal person instead of shoving them all onto other people. I'm tired of being whiny.
I haven't showered in like... 5 days. I mean I guess i'm eating better but everything feels just... not good. I should probably take a shower once im done writing this. I don't know how to feel anymore. What am i supposed to do at this point?