So I'm beginning to make the characters for the story I'm writing and I was wondering if any systems would be able to look over the characters in the system and tell me what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.
tw from this point down: abuse, death, murder, trauma, alcohol, a general tw for anything I missed, please read with caution
I'm tentatively calling the system the rainbow system but that is subject to change because I haven't fully developed any of the characters yet. The host and core of the system is named Jamie and he's sixteen years old. The other members of the system formed as a result of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse from his mother and father. His mother emotionally and verbally abused him, and it got particularly bad when he was around five years old. She was fed up with her life and started taking it out on Jamie and Jamie's (at the time) seven year old sister, Annabelle. Maya formed around this time. She is an emotional and verbal protector as well as a trauma holder and would front whenever Jamie's mother emotionally or verbally abused him. She and Jamie formed a very close bond.
When Jamie was six and Annabelle was eight their mother straight up left because she couldn't take it anymore. This forced their father, who was an alcoholic, to begin to take care of them. He was formerly absent from their lives, as he worked a lot and went out with his friends when he wasn't working. He couldn't balance his job and taking care of his children and he began to emotionally, verbally, and physically abuse his children. This is when Goddess and Zac formed. Goddess is an internal self helper and a gatekeeper. She doesn't really have a name so everyone just calls her Goddess. Zac is a physical protector and attempted to protect Jamie and (to a degree) Maya from Jamie's father's physical abuse.
About six months after the mother left, the father accidentally killed Annabelle when he was drunk. Jamie called 911 and was removed from the house. Danny formed after Annabelle's death as a result of the trauma it caused Jamie. He's a child alter and a memory holder. Jamie's mother's sister, Penelope, took him in after Annabelle's death and the system lives with her still. Jamie was healing pretty well until he began to get bullied in school when he was ten years old for being gay. This caused Quinn to form. Quinn was originally a persecutor who tried to force Jamie to be straight and hurt the body when he insisted that he was gay. Over time, however, Quinn realized that what they were doing was wrong with the help of the other alters and now accepts themself (as they are genderfluid and pan) and Jamie.
The final alter to form was Benjamin. When Jamie was thirteen, Danny, the child alter, accidentally began to front during school. Nobody at the school knew that anybody other than Jamie was in the body. This led to a lot of bullying and hatred, which caused Benjamin to form. Benjamin is a persecutor and tries to force the system to hide that they're plural. He tries to force Jamie to front all the time and stop the others from fronting. He is generally unsuccessful, though, as Goddess can thwart the majority of his attempts to harm people and can keep him from fronting.
Is there anything that I'm writing wrong? Please let me know if there's anything offensive or incorrect because I really want to write this so that it's accurate.