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When you have a panic attack about the smallest flaws on your body such as your crooked tooth that overlaps with your other one, your grossly long nails and toenails, your unsanitary behaviours, your chest and groin dysphoria, how your head is lopsided to the side, how your eyes arent even, how your posture absolutely sucks, the fat around your stomach even though youre average weight and how you look generally stupid all the fucking time, so you end up not sleeping and being scared and wanting to fix your body but you cant because youll just have to wait or get better when you dont know if you can since you have trouble showering, and doing sanitary things and your parents just say "get better" or "remember", and then tell you "you smell awful", "you look like shit", "you look awful today" so you end up falling deeper into the rabbit hole but your antidepressants are trying to nullify your depressive episodes and hide them under the guise of manic episoded ifk dj idk what to do anymore