first, i'd like to remind y'all that we do specifically have a guideline for this situation!
"Exclusionist users may make posts regarding their beliefs and questions, but only if they do so in a manner that is a) entirely respectful, b) inquisitive instead of accusative, and c) open-minded to growth and learning, instead of simply making a negative post. For example, an exclusionist user cannot make a post saying "I think [x] identity is invalid". Instead, they must make a post along the lines of "Could someone explain [x] identity more to me so I'm more educated and can hear different opinions on it?". The former is invalidating and unacceptable; however, the latter is respectful and creates an opportunity for genuine discussion and growth. Users who make derogatorily exclusionist posts will be banned."
It is not a shameful thing to be confused. We are literally a wiki dedicated to educating people about our community- it would be against our very purpose to not let people express why they don't understand something, doing so is the only way to truly provide learning opportunities. If you do not understand something, that is okay! It is never a bad thing to respectfully state that you don't understand something and to ask if someone can help you understand it better! No one understands everything at first- I know I certainly wouldn't have learned as much as I have if I hadn't had the opportunity to ask questions!
In the future, if something seems wrong to you, it is still up to you to ask about it instead of assuming it's your place to determine whether or not something is okay, because more often than not you will end up basing this idea on some form of exclusionism or misinformation. If something seems wrong, you still need to ask about it.
So, for the future, if something confuses you, ask about it. Ask people whose identity you're confused about to explain, and do not just make potentially invalidating posts. we all have room to grow and learn, and we can never help each other do that as a community if we always insist that we know best- we need to decenter ourselves from the belief that we're always in the right in order to truly learn, and there's nothing wrong with that!
I hope this makes sense, and I hope everyone who's been hurt from this/contributed it starts to understand things more and works on yourself, thank you everyone for listening to me and the others who are just trying to help cool things down. all lesbians reading this are valid, everyone is, so let's please acknowledge that and treat each other accordingly :)