Idk what to say so im just going to describe my autism traits:
I have developed sensory issues. I cant be around fireworks because of the loud noises and flashing lights, but I used to love fireworks. I also can't stand when people are y*lling.
There are times when everything feels loud and annoying and too much. I think this is s*nsory overl*ad.
I have always been socially awkward and I don't get social cues. I have always been bad at establishing and mantaining relationships. I have emotional walls and I currently have no friends. I am bad at hiding my true self (which is not what people want to be friends with) around people I am close to so I just don't get close to people, which is probably unhealthy.
I hate being in public spaces. The sounds are too loud. The sight of people and cars triggers my anx*ety. I have no idea how to act, or talk to people. The last time I went out in public I almost had a p*nic att*ck.
I rarely feel remorse or empathy towards others. If I hurt someone, I often don't feel anything. If someone comes to me with a problem, I don't know what to do. I am more compassionate towards non-human things than to humans.
I have this thing about balance. When I was younger, if something touched me on one side I had to make it touch me on the other side or it would be pretty much unbearable. Now it's more other objects and a bit less about balance - for example, pressing all the microwave buttons before I set the time, getting extremely annoyed when I'm in a car and it's not centered on the road or when one side of something being touched and not the other. I have a sensation in my temples when something is unbalanced. Idk how to describe it, but basically, one side feels fuzzy while the other one feels normal, and because I have the balance thing, that's another problem. Sometimes imagining the thing I want to happen (ex: imaginong touching the other side of something) helps a bit.
There are a few things that make me doubt myself: a lot of these were less visible when I was younger, like the sensory issues. Also, I don't have some typical autistic traits like hating eye contact. My m*m said she used to think I was autistic but the eye contact thing changed her mind.
So do you think I might be autistic? Should I seek a diagnosis?