TW: If you don’t want to hear about my feelings about my pa*ents, doctor appointments or autism or even gender dysphoria, please don’t read this post:
Today was my doctors appointment. It went sorta okay but there was some things I would like to bring up. I found it weird that when she did a vision test and got 20/20 witch I guess is normal and passing, but when I went to an eye doctor they decided that my vision was so bad that they had to retake it twice and decided to give me strong perception of glasses ( I never wear the btw). Another thing that happened is that they make me take a hearing test and my mom got mad at them for doing so because apparently their supposed to know that I’ve already been tested for hearing and failed. Besides that they cleared out my ears in hopes that would change my hearing drastically ( I literally still failed the test and nothing really changed either). Then my doctor was concerned about my anxiety levels and decided it was a good idea to bring up to my mom ( I lied on the depression part of the test so that wasn’t brought up at all). So my doctor didn’t prescribe any anxiety medication thought and just brought up the fact that I should probably do something about my anxiety ( didn’t specify what thought). And then my blood pressure was high and even though the nurse took it again and it was fine, the doctor still lectured my mom about checking my blood pressure everyday and coming back in 4-6 weeks to see if anything changed. The point is, I don’t like the doctor and my mom is still pissed over everything that happened at the doctors today ( well she’s always pissed about something anyways, so who knows if it’s actually the doctors fault).
Also after the appointment my mother decided to bring up the fact that she thinks I’m autistic. My doctor hasn’t diagnosed me with autism and doesn’t even see it as a possibility or a concern. My school district doesn’t believe that I am autistic and neither did the development doctor or whatever their called either. The only proof that my mother has besides her stubborn mind that something is wrong with me is the fact that my school counselor or whatever he’s called told her that he used to diagnose people with autism and took her concern to actually mean serious business. So my mom took this autistic test based purely off what she thinks of me and my behavior instead of asking me anything ( it seemed like something she didn’t want me to know about though/ that’s probably why). It turned out positive so she took that to mean I’m autistic. She literally brought 3 books just to educate herself on it ( my grandma read one of the books too). First of all even though she was obviously trying to hide all it from me, I’m way smarter than that so I already knew. Second, I literally don’t understand the point of her telling me if she’s literally not going to do anything about it and just leave it the way it is. Seriously all she wants me to do is read the books so I can “ relate” to them. Oh she also brought up the fact that all the book were written by GIRLS and how sexist this world is when it comes to girls and being autistic. If you don’t get it already, I’m supposed to be excited about the books because I’m am supposedly a “ girl” and should find books written about girls empowering or relate or whatever. First of all I don’t identify as a girl ( not like she knows that anyways), second i literally have no interest in reading anything that you have read since I don’t like the same stuff you do. Third the fact that you make it a big point of the author being a girl just triggers my dysphoria that I seriously swear made me low key sexist since I literally hate anything that is centered around being a women. Forth you obviously kept it a secret for me for almost a year and I alway decided that was no point in wondering since it apparently wasn’t worth me knowing sooner, and I honestly wanted to just to be my moms little secret that I knew about and not that big thing that I’m supposed to accept. Like seriously I try to avoid myself and things I don’t like seriously everyday and that’s hard enough, that triggers me enough. But having to read a book about things that are seriously my second biggest trigger and not being to run away from it and being trapped and having to accept that there’s no other way to go. I hate that and will refuse to be kept there. I don’t know what else to put there so I’ll end there.
Feel free to edit my post in whatever place is needed. Feel free to be as upset or angry or whatever at my feelings. Just know that I refuse to change my feelings based off of anything you say and will keep reposing this till I get enough people to respond to this. Also I’m signing off right after I post this so I won’t see you replies till 7:30 pm or later ( just so you know it’s 10:09/10:10 pm currently where I am). Goodbye for the night.