TW: ab*se mentions (u), mom, sister, fighting/yelling, swears, sensory overload, meltdowns, therapist
i watched a video about mental abuse and i related to all of it, including some phrases that are apparently red flags that i have heard my mom say over and over. im confused because she loves me and doesn't neglect my needs or anything. but im somewhat scared of her sometimes and i've stopped telling her certain things, like my mental health issues, because i know what her reaction will be and it won't be good. she dismisses everything i say, and once i had a small meltdown over a frustrating chore and she thought i was partly doing it for attention. i've told her that i might be autistic but she dismisses it because "what good will a diagnosis do me" and i'm not like some autistic kid she knows. she made fun of my (maybe) selective mutism. she broke one of my favourite stim toys (a hoodie string) because it annoyed her. im having lots of trouble with school because i think i have adhd but she won't listen, calls me lazy, and won't let me do anything other than do homework until my homework is done. she doesn't understand me. whenever i try to discuss any of this with her she just goes on about how i don't care about her and how she's stressed too and still finishes work stuff. not to mention my sister always sides with her and she makes fun of my meltdowns and calls me a lazy assed bitch a lot. i've started to avoid her. i'm always a bit scared to go home after school because of my mom yelling at me for something and my family often yells at each other and it can give me sensory overload sometimes, especially when they're also screaming at me. but it's not always like that, we get along a lot of the time. my family doesn't physically abuse me and they don't neglect my needs, my mom even got me a therapist. it's my fault probably because i don't get my work done and complain too much. i hate myself because of that. idk, am i being mentally abused rn? probably not. but i had to get all that out. sorry.
/neg